BDSM/Kink is not abuse, it’s fun, pleasurable, fulfilling even elating. Belonging to the tribe is a powerful aspect of kink play.
Real abuse in BDSM/Kink happens and is frequently ignored. When it does, it can be devastating physically, emotionally and spiritually. It can have profound implications on a victims life, including self esteem, losing the ability or trust to have kink play, and it can damage, friendships, families and community connections.
The Leather Community is largely marginalized by society. Misunderstood and disdained by many outside the scene, the Leather Community has fought for the right and respect to play as we do. Fighting the misconception that it is abuse can be a full time endeavor. Best described once: “What they see is not what we do.” It is Safe Sane Consensual acts where no harm is done among adults, regardless of the taboos broken, is highly pleasurable, liberating and self actualizing.
When real abuse happens, it is difficult for the community to acknowledge and it is easy to blame the abused, label the them not a player, isolate and label the person a trouble maker. Let’s stop this classic gaslighting. Here is a personal manifesto, it is a call for Kink Heart Tribe.
Below are articles and writings that broach this issue.
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The Difference Between BDSM and Abuse
by bdsmtrainingacademy.com
Consent Accidents and Consent Violations
by Charlie Glickman @ MAKESEXEASY.COM
“If you step on my toes, it hurts whether it was an accident or on purpose.”
Gaslighting a common Victim-Blaming Tactic
by Kris Nelson @ EVERYDAYFEMINISM.COM
10 Thing’s I’ve learned about Gaslighting
by Shea Emm a Feet @ EVERYDAYFEMINISIM.COM
When safe words are ignored
by TRACY CLARK-FLORY @ SALON.COM
“Consent in theory, but not always so in practice.”
KEEPINGITKINKY.NET
A treasure trove website of articles on kink abuse and aftercare
The Boys Bill of Rights
The Leather Identity Project
“Every boy has the right to have his body, intellect and emotions protected by his Dom.”
Trauma is an injury
National Coalition for Sexual Freedom
Don’t say: “You’ll get over it…”
Do say: “You are safe here, your reactions are completely valid.”
You don’t have to go it alone. NCSF’s Incident Reporting & Response at Incident@ncsfreedom.org or 917-848-6544.
When vulnerability is lacking in either party.
by Jim Hamilton